My Dog Was On The Computer

My Dog Was On The Computer

I was looking throughout the house

to find my dog to get him neutered

when I saw a very strange sight

My dog, was on the computer


 Must have heard where he was going

and wanted to know what it meant

so he was surfing the internet

to see how his day would be spent

He typed some words into Google

and left clicked the desktop mouse

Fido e-mailed all of his friends

then quickly ran out of the house

OK, so he’s wearing pink, what can I say?

Perhaps my little mutt is Gay?

And that’s why he’s acting this way

Or, he’s just having a bad day


Leonard the Red Lobster


Leonard the Red Lobster

Off the coast of Boston

in a shallow peaceful bay

lives Leonard the red lobster

who is happily at play

He and his lobster buddies

have found a strange square cage

Word has it that climbing in

is the latest lobster rage

But once inside they can’t get out

and to the surface they go

And not too long there after

They’re placed in a tank for show

Then one by one they get pulled out

Until only Leonard is left

But Leonard manages his escape

and retreats under a cleft

He sees his friends in hot water

and rushes quickly out the door

He scampers back into the bay

and we see… Leonard no more

Travel with Ease


Travel with Ease

Though I am very poor

I can travel with ease

to great distant places

in my bitter sweet life

It is with a good book

and my imagination

that I am able to cast

my troubles far behind

I call no transportation

for it’s all within my mind

And these wonderful pages

filled with great adventure

So with a candled light

and comfortable recline

I escape to other lands

and leave this world behind

Green Thumb, Not Me


Green Thumb, Not Me

Most people have a garden for all to see

and grow nice vegetables and a fruit tree

Especially my grandpa and my aunt Bea

They both have green thumbs, but not poor me

I try to grow things, but end up with bugs

Beetles, birds, snails, rodents and slugs

What the pests don’t get, diseases will

Raising a garden is one giant pill

I can’t even grow things made out of wood

The termites eat them, it just is no good

So if you ask for my garden to see

I’ll show you my hand, green thumb, not me!

Under the Deck


Under the Deck

Shoved under a wooden deck

by a bully my friends called Mole

with half the brains of my dog

and the manners of a troll

He closed the trellis door tight

as I huddled on the ground

No one around to hail to

At his mercy I was bound

Tiny fuzzy cotton balls

on the planks above my head

Repulsing my every touch

were sticky fibrous webs

The ogre begged me to cry

with promise to give me leave

but I would not break down

for his pleasure or victory

He stomped upon the planks

resting over my head

and tried to make me cry

with nasty things he said

Soon the gorilla grew bored

and decided to rest a while

but his rusty brain kept turning

and then, came a sinister smile

Placing a large heavy rock

that blocked my only escape

he swaggered away laughing

that big, dumb lumbering ape

A toad kept me company

as I pondered my sad plight

Might this be my residence?

For perhaps the entire night?

The shadows then grew longer

slithering across the ground

A noise in a dark corner

was making a scratching sound

The ground bore small fissures

The crawl space seemed so thin

Then a small mouse ran by

scaring me out of my skin

Good luck then befriended me

on this warm summer’s eve

I kicked out a rotted plank

and in hurry, I did leave

Now I keep close to my friends

and more careful where I play

And I hear the big dirty thug

has finally, moved away

Under Our Refrigerator


Under Our Refrigerator

Under our refrigerator

I would never want to be

cause there’s stuff under there

that looks quite scary to me

I saw a giant cockroach

tangled in a web down there

amongst the crumbs of old food

sticky slim, dust balls and hair

You’ll certainly never find me

putting ‘my’ hand beneath there

to retrieve one of my marbles

or even…. if it’s a dare